Urbana...

WOW, its been a long time since I have updated this... I am currently at a conference called Urbana. Its a missions oriented conference. I have been learning a lot about myself and the calling that God has on my life with regards to missions. I feel that God is somehow calling me to help the children at risk, the children with no parents, the children that are raising their siblings even though they are only 9 or 10 years old. These children are the ones that need someone to come along side them and love them and show them that Jesus loves them. They are not alone in this world, that there are people here to help them understand what it means to be the beloved of God.

My prayer this week is that God will open my heart and my eyes to see the faces of the children and how God wants to work with and in me through this is missions thinking.

a few new thoughts.

So I realized that Life may just be easier if we let people in. This is me pondering things post-graduation... and although it may seem easier at the time, the after thought is always different. I mean once you open yourself up to someone and become completely vulnerable, they have all the ammunition to hurt you in the end. This is not a depressing blog I promise- its kinda just a collection of my thoughts recently.

On the other hand, if you never open yourself up and become vulnerable, then you can never truly know yourself. We were created for relationship and true relationship is being real with others-those that are the closest to you! I feel that my time at Vanguard has taught me just that- how, why, and with whom I can be vulnerable and truly walk life and journey with them, so for that I thank you!

A DIFFERENT TOPIC--

I start bartending school tomorrow! Not sure how I feel about it, but I am excited and have NO idea what to expect! We will see if this seems like something that I really wanna do or not! At least I'll have fun with it and meet some new interesting people (I love that part).

Now its time to say goodbye..so long farewell. I feel like that's what I did with so many people 2 weeks ago at graduation- said our goodbyes not knowing when or if we would ever connect again! such is life? so they tell me. I feel that we were put together for a reason, and if it was only for that season, so be it, but it was good while it lasted at least. I do hope that I will remain in contact with as many of those great people (you know who you are) as I can and for as long as I can. So goodbye, so long, farewell....ON to the next chapter of life.

graduation..

Its been said that after you graduate college, you start over as a freshman of life. I feel that this is true, but starting over is why we call graduation- commencement. We are starting out on life.. now knowing what we are to expect. As I now have been graduated for 3 days, it has definitely been a different setting. I woke up monday morning half expecting to wake up and go to class. I think that this is going to be a interesting adventure from this point. Graduation is a scary thing knowing that we (as graduates) will be going our separate ways and could possibly not see each other for many years. I know that this new chapter of our lives will be exciting and new and there will be some of my closest friends with me every step of the way.

Vanguard has been very good to me when it comes to a family. I have been given some of the best friends I could have ever imagined. My years at Vanguard have given me the opportunity to have and know some of the greatest people in the world. The people that I have met here are going to live forever in my memories and the photos that we have, and the times that we have shared. There are so many memories that I have with so many people. I will always remember these 4 years as the best years of my life. I have made the best friends of my life, and some of the best memories ever! Thank you Vanguard University for fostering the relationships that I will have for the rest of my life!

the beginning of the end (for reals)

Today marked the date that I knew was coming, but somehow didn't want it to come. I signed an apartment lease for post-Vanguard. This means that it truly is coming to an end. The beginning of the end. Today was the first step that I have taken to really make this feel like the Vanguard undergraduate chapter of my life is coming to a close. Its like reading your favorite book, and knowing that the end is really close but you love it and the characters so much that you don't want it to ever end. Today was page 1 of this final chapter of the book...let's hope there is an epilogue!

I want a puppy...

So recently I received an email that had an ad for puppies that a friend of a friend found wandering in the middle of the street.  It got me thinking, why do people buy pets then abandon them in the middle of the street like that? Shouldn't we take care of God's creation?  If we go and look back in Genesis, GOd entrusted Adam with the care of creation while he was in the Garden of Eden.  I feel that we should be doing the same, especially if we are going to take then into our homes initially.  This also made me think: there are plenty of pets in the local animal shelters that need a home.  Why don't I go look at them and see if I want to adopt one of them?  So I think I shall.  This is not to be a ASPCA or PETA advertisement, but I do feel that if people are not ready for a pet they should not have bought one in the first place. Thats all...

People's reactions to me

So last night we did a scavenger hunt for NSO (new student orientation) and I dressed up like a little emo high schooler. I had super tight jeans, a small hoodie, eyeliner, and black nail polish. I also wore my ipod and walked around Downtown Disney all by myself. There were some interesting reactions from people, that I am sure I would actually have given myself had I not played this part. It totally opened my mind to the human judgement that we pass everyday on people. I was talking to the other student leader participants who also got interesting reactions. It allowed me to see what happens to people when I look at them in judgement.

back to it...

WOW its been over 2 months since I have been back here writing a blog. But I felt that it was time again. There is so much going on that I need to talk about: ITS MY LAST SEMESTER OF COLLEGE!! and I have no idea what God has for me as a next step. It scares the shit out of me, but at the same time it is awesome to know that the world is in front of me and God has this huge plan for my life. I have to simply trust Him and know that he is in control. I read Redeeming Love and the Shack over Christmas Break, and it was such an eye opener to know that all I simply have to do is trust and love. Love beyond anything. God has shown me that I have no idea how much He has loved me, and how much He cares for me, personally! His love has no boundaries.

I was reminded of that again when I saw Changeling last night and there is a scene in that movie that a character is talking about how he does not want to go to hell and that God has forgiven him for what he has done, but I was sitting there judging him and asking how God could forgive him, I could never have forgiven him for his crime, but who am I to judge this man, I have sinned and done things that I thought I could never have been forgiven for, so why should this man be any different? It was a huge reminder that I am so small compared to the love and mercy of God. I was brought to my knees with this thought and it was all brought into my language and simple terms through the book The Shack.

The Shack changed my perspective on how I view God. I always saw him as this daunting figure and the punisher and judge, but after reading this book, I see him as my best friend ( to risk sounding cliche) but all I have to do is talk to him and be in constant and pure relationship with him. I never saw Him the way that that book portrays Him, but it is so true- I need to let go and trust him with life and know that he has control. One of the chapters talks about judgement, and the main character, Mack, is sent to the judge, but there is a twist- he is judging people and God. I never saw myself as God's judge, but after reading that I saw that I do it all the time. I judge people and going back to the scene in the Changeling where I was asking how God could forgive a man like that, but it was simply putting God in a box and saying that he had to choose one of his children to save, and another one that he has to eternally separate from Him. I understood that God does not choose to love us, but loves US ALL-NO QUESTIONS ASKED! He loves us all so much, that He sent his son to DIE for us. He came to earth and felt all the earthly pain that we feel. Jesus had to make the conscious decision to die. He had a choice. He chose to love us that much.

Anyways now that I have gotten all that said, heres looking forward to a great last semester! I know that all I have to do is trust and love like Jesus. I need to be in constant relation with God-my father, daddy, papa..who loved me so much that he took on all my pain and said, "its ok...I get it, I know- lets do this TOGETHER." I love my Jesus, and he will walk with me through this semester.