the beginning of the end (for reals)

Today marked the date that I knew was coming, but somehow didn't want it to come. I signed an apartment lease for post-Vanguard. This means that it truly is coming to an end. The beginning of the end. Today was the first step that I have taken to really make this feel like the Vanguard undergraduate chapter of my life is coming to a close. Its like reading your favorite book, and knowing that the end is really close but you love it and the characters so much that you don't want it to ever end. Today was page 1 of this final chapter of the book...let's hope there is an epilogue!

I want a puppy...

So recently I received an email that had an ad for puppies that a friend of a friend found wandering in the middle of the street.  It got me thinking, why do people buy pets then abandon them in the middle of the street like that? Shouldn't we take care of God's creation?  If we go and look back in Genesis, GOd entrusted Adam with the care of creation while he was in the Garden of Eden.  I feel that we should be doing the same, especially if we are going to take then into our homes initially.  This also made me think: there are plenty of pets in the local animal shelters that need a home.  Why don't I go look at them and see if I want to adopt one of them?  So I think I shall.  This is not to be a ASPCA or PETA advertisement, but I do feel that if people are not ready for a pet they should not have bought one in the first place. Thats all...

People's reactions to me

So last night we did a scavenger hunt for NSO (new student orientation) and I dressed up like a little emo high schooler. I had super tight jeans, a small hoodie, eyeliner, and black nail polish. I also wore my ipod and walked around Downtown Disney all by myself. There were some interesting reactions from people, that I am sure I would actually have given myself had I not played this part. It totally opened my mind to the human judgement that we pass everyday on people. I was talking to the other student leader participants who also got interesting reactions. It allowed me to see what happens to people when I look at them in judgement.

back to it...

WOW its been over 2 months since I have been back here writing a blog. But I felt that it was time again. There is so much going on that I need to talk about: ITS MY LAST SEMESTER OF COLLEGE!! and I have no idea what God has for me as a next step. It scares the shit out of me, but at the same time it is awesome to know that the world is in front of me and God has this huge plan for my life. I have to simply trust Him and know that he is in control. I read Redeeming Love and the Shack over Christmas Break, and it was such an eye opener to know that all I simply have to do is trust and love. Love beyond anything. God has shown me that I have no idea how much He has loved me, and how much He cares for me, personally! His love has no boundaries.

I was reminded of that again when I saw Changeling last night and there is a scene in that movie that a character is talking about how he does not want to go to hell and that God has forgiven him for what he has done, but I was sitting there judging him and asking how God could forgive him, I could never have forgiven him for his crime, but who am I to judge this man, I have sinned and done things that I thought I could never have been forgiven for, so why should this man be any different? It was a huge reminder that I am so small compared to the love and mercy of God. I was brought to my knees with this thought and it was all brought into my language and simple terms through the book The Shack.

The Shack changed my perspective on how I view God. I always saw him as this daunting figure and the punisher and judge, but after reading this book, I see him as my best friend ( to risk sounding cliche) but all I have to do is talk to him and be in constant and pure relationship with him. I never saw Him the way that that book portrays Him, but it is so true- I need to let go and trust him with life and know that he has control. One of the chapters talks about judgement, and the main character, Mack, is sent to the judge, but there is a twist- he is judging people and God. I never saw myself as God's judge, but after reading that I saw that I do it all the time. I judge people and going back to the scene in the Changeling where I was asking how God could forgive a man like that, but it was simply putting God in a box and saying that he had to choose one of his children to save, and another one that he has to eternally separate from Him. I understood that God does not choose to love us, but loves US ALL-NO QUESTIONS ASKED! He loves us all so much, that He sent his son to DIE for us. He came to earth and felt all the earthly pain that we feel. Jesus had to make the conscious decision to die. He had a choice. He chose to love us that much.

Anyways now that I have gotten all that said, heres looking forward to a great last semester! I know that all I have to do is trust and love like Jesus. I need to be in constant relation with God-my father, daddy, papa..who loved me so much that he took on all my pain and said, "its ok...I get it, I know- lets do this TOGETHER." I love my Jesus, and he will walk with me through this semester.

A/G Student Leader Conference

I just finished the 1st annual AG student leader conference in Springfield, MO. (thats the AG headquarters, for those that didnt know that). I was not sure what to expect going into this weekend, but coming out, it was a very positive and growing experience. I have been tried in a few areas of my life in the past few weeks, and then this on top of that and throw in being a student, and you have one stressed out person, outside of their comfort zone, not wanting to be there, and being very cynical about the entire event. I learned about other schools and the issues and concerns they have, i also learned that there are so many bible colleges and bible schools in our denomination, or as they say fellowship.

I was able to connect and get to know ASB from schools like Southeastern University, North West, Evangel and CBC (Central Bible College). i have learned that they have many of the same issues that we share and they are not all the stereotypical AG school and student. they are real down to earth people, their students struggle with the same things we do. we all share the common bond of not really feeling like we fit into the AG bubble. I was fortunate to get contact info for many of them and hope to stay in contact with them over the next year and even in the future. We all share the common interest of caring for students and wanting to see them grow and learn, but also want to represent them in the best way possible for our individual schools. hopefully over the next year we can travel around and visit the campuses of the other schools and get ideas from them and share ideas with them as well.

overall, through the stress confusion, and cynicism, i have learned a lot about other schools and about myself. this weekend was a great opportunity for me and i am so glad that i was selected to go on this trip.

I have the best friends!

I have the best friends in the history of the world!! when I am having a rough week, they know just by looking at me from across the sidewalk. I have had one of the worst weeks ever, and been getting phone calls and texts and hugs all week long. SO for all my friends out there that are helping me through this hard time. This week marks the 4th anniversary of the death of Brett Janzen, my youth pastor and mentor. It also marks the 5 anniversary of my grandmother and confidant passing away. So over all, plus all the crap that I had to do this week, it has not been so great. There are some high moments, but overall it was a rough week for me to get through. then to top it all off, Obama was elected as the 44th president...obviously i am a conservative republican, and Obama scares me, but I will be in constant prayer for him as he leads this country as our next leader.

Anyways..this is all to say that MY FRIENDS ARE THE GREATEST! thank you all so much for all you have done for me this week. I love you all and THANK YOU!!!

STARBUCKS RED CUP!!

so it officially Christmas when Starbucks starts handing out the red cup. I love this time of year...It just makes everything all better. as Ben Franklin says, "a good conscience is a continual Christmas." This is so true. Lets think about this: Christmas can bring out the best and worst in people all at the same time. According to me , Starbucks, and others the Christmas season starts on Nov. 1. all the music and coffee and life of the season start the day after Halloween! Another indication that it is the holidays (to be completely PC) is the installation of the coffeemate peppermint mocha coffee creamer in the local grocer's milk section.

i love this season, it is the best time of year. the clothes, snow, family feel, and movies: Grinch, Polar Express, Christmas Story, Christmas Vacation, Charlie Brown Christmas...and many others! so please join me in listening to the greatest music ever created...the holiday songs!